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accredited
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Christopher
J. Coulson, MAHPP
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About
Myself
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It is essential that you and your coach have a level of rapport that supports confidence and security. Part of that rapport comes from an appreciation of each other's life path. I arrived at my role as a Dynamic Life Coach in an evolutionary way: it is the natural synthesis of my twenty years in international business and a similar period as a registered psychotherapist. I recognize, however, that the basic facts of a person's existence give little sense of who s/he really is. So I've attempted in this section to give you a more subjective flavor of my way of being in addition to the bare facts of my life. There are many words here but I'd rather give
you the chance to know too much rather than too little. To make discovery
easier, here are the section headings:
Professional and General Education:
Work history: 2002-Present (Resident of Tulsa, OK, USA))
2001-2002 (Resident of Santa Fe, NM, USA)
1992-2001 (UK Resident)
1978-1992 (Resident of Boston, MA, USA):
1965 -1978 (UK resident):
What kind of working partner
am I? I try to be the kind of developmental partner I want for myself.
I don't like to be told what I should or shouldn't do: I want to find
out for myself, but safely. Whether I'm going to explore a black hole
in my psyche or try some new social strategy I want to do it myself
and mess it up myself if need be. But I do want someone standing by
so I can tell them about my experience, gain their perspective, and
increase my understanding of it. That way I have truly learnt from
it. In terms of my life coaching, this means I typically don't give clients
advice. If they want to research something I don't tell them to buy
a particular book: I urge them to go along to the bookshop that appeals
to them most and scan the relevant shelves until they feel compelled
to buy something. I am thorough in my explorations. In my youth, my friends would tire
of my need to check out every country lane when out walking, every
pub for the best social life, every newspaper for the most information.
"There's nothing down there!" they'd cry, and more often
than not they were right. But when I returned to them I was the only
one who knew there was nothing there. I was the only one who
had actually learnt something. Time and again my need to cover every inch of ground has reaped rich
dividends for my clients and myself. Whether you call it self-awareness
or personal insight, the certainty that comes from deep self-knowledge,
however quirky we find ourselves to be, is a major contributor to
confidence and empowerment. What do my psychometric tests show? I have some faith in psychometric testing as a way of gaining a general
insight into another human being. The results of my tests won't help
you recognize me in the street but they might give you a guide as
to my general direction in life.
Assorted other tests show the same broad picture of interests and motivations. I'm basically a thinker and communicator with a strong drive to work with others and to follow through on my chosen path. What is my attitude toward you? You are unique in the history of the universe. No-one else will ever be conceived at the exact point in space and time as yourself. No-one else will ever replicate your exact mix of physiological and psychological characteristics. You have your own understanding of the world, your own physical experience of the world, your own arrangement of internal and external organs. In other words, you are a universe of one. This effectively means no-one else has the right to tell you how you should look, sound, or behave. However . . . Your universe coexists with my universe and - today - 6 billion other universes. And that's only the human ones. So even if you want to live totally alone you are forced to take the rest of us into account in your daily dealings. Your task, it seems to me, is to manage the conflict between your drive toward individualized 'unique' existence and your need and desire to coexist with others. In other words, to grow while meshing your perfectly legitimate idiosyncrasies with those of others: all without losing sight of yourself. This is important for all of us, because we need you - I need you - to be everything you can that is true to your essence. Only in that way does the larger universe of humans benefit from your activities and the activities of each of us. My attitude toward you, therefore, is predicated on a deep respect for your uniqueness and a selfish - because beneficial to me - desire to see you fulfill yourself. I see men and women as very alike, both needing to counteract the self- or societally-imposed limitations that restrict them. I find the idea that men are from Mars and women from Venus rather
unhelpful. We're both from Earth and have precisely the same needs
for health, security, companionship and so on. We may approach
things differently but this is partly because of training and
partly because of biology. Today's lifestyles and technology do
much to level out the biological differences. It distresses me terribly that women are forced or are ready to do the same work as a man for sixty percent of the salary. It makes them look feeble and feeds into the male perception of female inadequacy. This distorted male view is something I'm very familiar with.
Having been brought up in the fifties and sent to a single-gender
school, it took me a long time to discover that women are people
too. For years they existed in my perception simply to stimulate
my hormones. This attitude now seems to me bizarre if not actually
reprehensible. I believe it was a major contributor to my
failure in serious relationships. My only defence is that I was
totally unaware of it. My relationships with men have been more consistent. I believe men are predominantly competitive with each other, vying to be king of the hill. I have no problem with this provided the competition is healthy: i.e. it takes the form of striving for truth or excellence rather than trying to put someone else down. The major male problem is our tendency to use brawn rather than brain to solve problems. This manifests itself not just in barroom brawls, but in domestic disputes, corporate fighting, and the use of the military in foreign policy. I know of no conflict that has been resolved in the long term by one side simply crushing the other. At their best, however, I like certain male characteristics. I like the male work ethic. I like the way some men work hard to be honorable and accountable for their actions. I like the wholehearted commitment they bring to teamwork. Typically, as I write this I realize I like the same qualities in women. We really aren't that different. A miscellany of thoughts, beliefs
and facts. One of my guiding principles is that life is a process of trial
and discovery - never of error - and we enjoy life most when we
apply what we have discovered and go on discovering. I'm glad
to say I do learn from my experiences. For example, after
several false starts I now have the kind of marriage that I always
believed ought to be possible. I feel a kinship with those scouts who first explored the American
west and then accompanied others on their optimistic journeys
through it. I have made 'life' my territory for exploration and,
for me, life is not something you can gain from a book. Firsthand
experience is the only worthwhile teacher. I've written TV plays that didn't get produced and a 120,000-word
novel that didn't get published. I'm still learning, however,
and might yet see my name up as scriptwriter at my local multiscreen
and/or on the spines of books at the library. I have a passion for excellence and my working life is characterized
by my association with the leaders in their fields. I see no point
in aiming to be other than world class, and regard this as an
attitude rather than a measure of achievement. For example, there
are at least five hundred world-class tennis players, but only
one champion at each tournament. I believe that a full life is only possible if we are ready to
take it on, and that readiness is an amalgam of physical, intellectual
and emotional fitness. These are all things we can do something
about. I do a great deal of exploring on my own but it is really only
in preparation for the greatest pleasure in my life - exploring
with others. Each working partnership is different. Each shared
voyage of discovery is a distinct and separate volume in a library
of adventures, each with its own theme, plot, subplots and characterization.
Each also has its own resolution. I love my work. What has prepared me to act
as your coach? There are three essential components in the preparation of a coach:
Without the third component the first two are virtually useless. Life
experience without reflection contains nothing learned and therefore
nothing worth passing on. Professional training without rigorous self-examination
makes it impossible for coaches to be sure they are acting on their
client's behalf rather than from their own unconscious motivation. I offer the following personal and professional autobiography to help
you in your decision-making. Today I live in Santa Fe, a unique and stimulating creative setting. Until very recently, I lived in Norwich, the UK's most livable city. I work out regularly on my Concept II rowing machine, I don't smoke, I only drink socially and I'm happily married. At the time of writing I'm just coming off the end of a seven-year stint as General Secretary of my professional association. I read avidly on my subject and enjoy the challenge of staying abreast of developments in my field. In particular, I enjoy the incredible variety of people I work with
and feel fortunate that I have found my niche at last. But it wasn't always this way . . . I was born in 1946, son of a Royal Air Force officer who completed his career in the British Foreign Office. My mother was born and brought up in South Africa, the daughter of an expatriate German mother and English father. I have two sisters, one older than myself, one younger. My formal education was carried out over ten years at a very traditional
English public school. I was intelligent in class and successful at
sport but this was not a happy time for me and I rejected the idea of
going to university. I left school at 18, completely unprepared for anything, so in 1965 I moved to London and followed my interests. My first two significant jobs were in boat building (with Jack Holt) and in the film business (with Warner Bros). At the age of 21 I trained as a systems analyst. This was intellectually and financially rewarding and I worked my
way up to IT consultant before moving sideways and becoming an IT industry
journalist. I married a record industry journalist and we bought and
restored a cottage in the country. We weren't very good at marriage
and after three years we separated. I left my job and went to work as a deckhand on a classic ketch working
out of Antibes in the South of France. I thought of buying a boat and
settling there but was sidetracked by the offer of money and friendship
and joined another weekly IT newspaper back in London. I had just started
editing this when it was sold to a competitor and I was made redundant.
My overwhelmed response to finding myself freelance and almost penniless
did nothing for the second marriage I had recently entered. I starting working as a consultant to hi-tech companies, helping them
on marketing and marketing communications matters. Most notable among
them were IBM, Unisys, Burroughs and a range of software companies whose
names have now gone out of existence. It was in 1978 that I started to take control of my life. Up until then I had lurched on from opportunity to opportunity, totally reactively, with never a serious thought of putting together a strategy to give me the life I wanted - even if I'd known what it was. I was naturally task-competent, so I stayed busy and financially OK,
but I was life-incompetent. In 1978, however, I took a job in the United
States and put myself into therapy. The reasons were fairly classic:
I was 32, my second marriage had just ended, I was smoking and drinking
heavily, and I couldn't see what I was doing wrong. But I found out. Over the next fourteen years I maintained a course
of individual and group therapy and coaching. It transformed my life.
I learnt a tremendous amount about myself and about others and continually
tried new things. I married and divorced for a third time. I trained
as a psychotherapist with the Cambridge Psychotherapy Institute. I started
my relationship with my present wife in 1985. That first period in the USA was a wonderful time of discovery from
the business point of view. With the strength of my therapist/coach
relationship working with me, I started a number of companies and worked
with a number of major US corporations in the Boston area. My wife and I returned to the UK in 1992, determined to take a sabbatical from the IT industry. I was to build a psychotherapy, counseling and coaching practice in the quiet of East Anglia. My wife dedicated herself to painting. After two years in the USA we returned to the UK, this time to the
unique atmosphere of Brighton. However, with clients in the USA and
in continental Europe as well as in the UK I no longer regard my physical
location as a relevant isue in my work. As I indicated above, the bulk of my training took place at the Cambridge Psychotherapy Institute (CPI), Massachusetts, USA. This was a private institute with a very rigorous approach to self-discovery and a strong emphasis on experiential development. It was a requirement, for example, that we remain in weekly individual and group therapy while with the Institute. CPI combined aspects of psychoanalysis with humanistic and existential beliefs. Here, over fourteen years, I learned psychotherapy, counseling, supervision and a good part of my coaching skills. The rest of my formal training has consisted of taking a number of
workshops, a diploma course for coaches in sports psychology, another
in business coaching, and a prodigious amount of reading and writing.
I also have my own psychotherapeutically-trained coach in the USA and
peer mentoring in the UK. This is a daily pursuit with me. Whether sweating my way through a 60-minute stint on my rowing machine, or simply sitting with a pad and pen, I am constantly reflecting on life and what I am learning from it. I hold internal dialogues with the writers of the hundreds of books I read; I reflect on the patterns and dynamics of my clients' lives and activities; I look at my own life and my partnerships. I have written literally millions of words in my journals and drawn countless diagrams in my efforts to understand what makes us tick. I also reflect in conjunction with those around me: my clients, my
wife, my friends and my coach. I question until I feel I have a solid
base of conviction from which to operate and can then act with strength
and focus. This rather lengthy review of myself is intended to show you myself
as I see myself: a thinking person who has had a lot of experience in
life. It hasn't all been pleasant or conventionally successful, yet
I feel satisfied with my approach and my ongoing progress. I'm looking
forward to much more in the next fifty years. I believe my journey has equipped me extremely well to do the job I
do, and my clients' successes would seem to bear me out in that belief.
It is not often that I am left struggling to comprehend a situation
or a state of mind, and my instincts and intuitions have been well-honed
and tested in high-stress situations on both sides of the Atlantic.
I am creative and resourceful both on my own behalf and on behalf of
my clients. I hope this information has been helpful to you. If you would like
to find out more about Dynamic Life Coaching or myself, please email
or call to schedule a free 30-minute 'phone discussion. |
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TOP Add this page to your Favorites Copyright © 2001-2008 Christopher J. Coulson Information on this web site may be viewed and downloaded free of charge by individuals seeking personal coaching. For all other uses of this web site, prior permission of Christopher J. Coulson is required. |
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